Thanks Mum.
The reason this came up was because I was getting ready to go visit my good friend A in Sweden for her engagement party. We had met on the first day of university 9 years ago and been friends ever since.
A and I are the same age and have been through lots of boy crap together (the Guy who dressed like a pirate, the Conjoined fingers Guy, the French Guy who arranged a date then forgot to show, the hippy Guy who turned up at the family home after the breakup...) so it's been wonderful to see her so happy and loved up with her now fiance.
However it did make me start thinking about dating, or the more English 'Seeing Someone'. Isn't it all just round after round of Spouse Auditions? Do they make you laugh? Is there chemistry? Do you have similar ambitions? Can you fart in front of them? (My mum thinks this is the litmus test of a lasting relationship.) Can you spend prolonged periods of time with this other person without wanting to kill them?
Whether you're just seeing someone or something more serious - aren't these all qualities you're looking for?
At 27 I am thinking about my future. Looking around me, I'm seeing my friends getting pregnant, and instead of saying "Oh shit, what are you going to do?", we're saying things like "Have you thought of any names?" Some are married, some are on their second round of offspring. I have problems holding down a relationship.
A year ago I came out of a relationship with someone who I thought would be the father of my children. The highs were magic. I felt we were the only two people in the world. I liked him more with everything that came out of his mouth. The lows, which came more frequently later, left me feeling cold and lonely lying next to him in bed. Doubting myself as a woman able to capture my man's attention. Tired and misguided. I had to ask him if he loved me. It turned out he did, as I found out after the break up. A horrible mix of terrible communication, work related depression and general life stress was the cause but the damage was irreparable. A year later, we're both still smarting from it but it was a test for me. I knew my capacity for love could lead me into and through dark times with someone.
It also made me realise the bullsh*t we tell ourselves and each other. If there's something there, you WILL pursue it, no matter the plans you made in your head before.
"Oh, I'm too busy for a relationship." In this time of smart phones, facebook and twitter there are always ways to keep in touch. Plus, you never heard the phrase 'If you want something done, ask a busy person'? It's a fact people.
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| A and S modelling their engagement rings |
"I'm not in the right place for a relationship right now." Fair enough if you've just escaped a traumatic experience or break up, but evidence has shown me that often the right person will be patient and willingly sit in the friendzone until called upon to step up into a relationship. A and her fiance S, went on their first date a week after she got out of a horrible long term relationship. According to her, they just 'never stopped talking' after that. 3 years later - engagement rings.
Dating, seeing someone, hooking up, whatever you want to call it is all a lead up to the same thing. Being with someone who makes you happy and who you want to make happy. You can't guess when it'll happen but you just have to have an open mind when it does.
So, Mum, with that, I'll carry on my merry way holding regular auditions and I'll let you know if there are any callbacks.
Karla x
Thoroughly enjoyable post! None of this soulmate crap for me. I'm looking for my fartmate.
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